Lately I’ve been trying to draft my posts before I publish them here. I feel like writing them down on paper, letting them “marinate” and then coming back to refine and adjust them helps me to better organize my thoughts. This in turn leads me to be more authentic, more me. But tonight I’m going with my gut and just writing, because I don’t want to lose the sharpness of my current feelings.
I’m disappointed. Very disappointed. I’ve been condo shopping since February, and have “lost” two condos that I’ve made offers on. The first was a short sale, which took five weeks to find out that the seller wasn’t approved for hardship, and therefore the bank wouldn’t even consider my offer. When I found this out, I was disappointed, yes, but had a good outlook of, “Well, it just means it wasn’t the right one. There’s something better out there for me.” {Side note – Even though I am still figuring out what I believe spiritually, one of my favorite quotes I heard at a 12-Step meeting is “Your Higher Power never says no. It says yes, not yet, or I’ve got something better.”}
A few days ago, I put another offer on a condo (smaller and more expensive than the first) and found out the next day that the seller was countering my offer. Not totally unexpected since she was close to being upside-down on her loan and we knew she probably couldn’t wiggle much on the price.
So here’s the thing: I accepted her price. I accepted her title company. I even accepted her request to keep her curtains. But I decided that I didn’t want to accept her request to stay in the condo for an extra 24 hours after we closed. We were supposed to close Memorial Day weekend, and I wanted to have the full weekend to move. I am going to Greece in mid-June, and wanted to make sure I was settled by the time we left.
Looking back, I can see that maybe the 24 hours wasn’t a good enough reason to put the deal in jeopardy by countering. But on the other hand, I don’t feel like I was asking for the world. Anyway, long story at least a little shorter, the seller went silent for all of yesterday and this morning, and it wasn’t until this afternoon that I found out she had accepted another offer that she received this morning. Without even giving me a chance to respond. Ugh.
I cried, and I sat with my disappointment, wondering why I feel so much more upset about this one than the last. I mean, it’s smaller AND more expensive! Shouldn’t I have the same “what will be, will be” attitude?! And then I realized. It feels harder because I feel like I did something wrong. I made a mistake. My head tells me, “It serves me right for being so greedy and selfish and wanting the extra 24 hours.” I should have settled for what was good enough rather than asking for what I wanted.
And the thing is, I don’t know what the right answer is. I don’t know if I should have taken the seller’s counter offer as is. Or maybe I didn’t do anything wrong, and it’s a shady move on the seller’s part. Either way, it’s pretty interesting/depressing for me to see how much crappier I feel when something goes wrong and there’s the possibility that I caused it. Damn, I’m hard on myself.
It’s time to remind myself that I’m ok. I’m lovable even if I make a mistake. And most importantly, I think I better make a gratitude list before I go to bed because I have a LOT of stuff to be thankful for. It’s easy to get wrapped up in my “poor me” routine, but a quick dose of “oh yeah, I have the money to buy a condo” usually clears that right up. So, thanks for listening. I’m still disappointed. I still feel shame. But I appreciate having a place to share.
